blogging

The Serialisation of Black Hare Valley Starts Next Week!

~ ChanAtkins ~ 2 Comments

Will you be coming along for the ride? (You need to be subscribed here or on Substack, not just following.)

a rough mock-up idea for the cover – photo is mine!

A few weeks ago while in the middle of fighting writers block, the re-emergence of imposter syndrome and a general frustration with writing and publishing, I had the crazy idea of serialising my current WIP, Black Hare Valley and offering it to subscribers to read for free. That was a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions, I can tell you.

My biggest fears in sharing the WIP were people copying or pirating the work, and people just not reading it at all. I am still scared of both those things but I have decided to kick fear aside and do it anyway. After all, that’s what writers do, over and over. Despite it being one of the lowest paid jobs there is, despite AI rising up to steal it from us, quite literally, despite loved ones often not being supportive, we still do it anyway. We write anyway.

I made the decision to share it in hope of the following outcomes:

  • increasing my follows and subscriptions on Substack where I’ll also be sharing it
  • increasing my follows and subscriptions here on my blog
  • enticing paid subscribers on Substack – worth a go!
  • increasing my open/read ratio on Substack
  • enticing people to read my other books if they enjoy the serialisation
  • enticing people to purchase Black Hare Valley when it is finally published
  • enticing people to purchase the rest of the series when it’s published as I won’t be serialising all of it
  • gaining honest feedback from early readers of Black Hare Valley
  • hopefully getting some positive comments that will encourage me to keep going!
  • having conversations with readers about the series
  • having fun!
  • feeling brave for trying something new

I’m posting the list here as I want to refer back to it when the experiment is over. It will be interesting to see if I achieve any of the goals mentioned ahead, and if nothing else, doing this will provide me with some blogging content as I examine what worked and what didn’t.

So, how will it work?

If you are subscribed to my blog or my Substack, you will get a new chapter every Thursday morning. Please note, you have to be SUBSCRIBED not just FOLLOWING. For those following my blog, you will still get the Friday posts as normal but to get the chapters you need to be subscribed either here or on my Substack:

https://substack.com/@chantelleatkins: The Serialisation of Black Hare Valley Starts Next Week!

The first chapter will go live on Thursday 1st May. May Day is a very significant event in Black Hare Valley so I figured it would make sense to kick it all off on may Day! I may, however, divide the chapters into two parts as they are quite long, so it might be Chapter 1, Part 1 one week, followed by Chapter 1, part 2 the next week. I will also include the rough sketches for each chapter to help bring the town alive for you, and the first instalment will also have a map of the town attached.

I am actually really excited about this. It feels brave at least! It feels like I am doing something, being proactive and trying something new.

Black Hare Valley is probably best described as British Folklore Horror, so if that sounds like your kind of thing, I really hope you’ll come along for the ride!

I’m Having A Huge Crisis of Confidence

~ ChanAtkins ~ 6 Comments

But I am determined to get through this…

Image by Jakub Kopczyński from Pixabay

A few weeks ago I wrote here and on Substack about suffering writers block for the first time in my life. I was able to recognise the signs and the symptoms I’ve spent the last decade helping my students through. As a creative writing tutor, dealing with other people’s writers block has been extremely common. I had all the classic signs and was procrastinating like hell. I was even starting to dread my evening’s writing – something that is not like me at all.

I was scrolling through my phone, opening up new tabs on my laptop and scrolling through various feeds. I was ‘checking’ things like emails and my bank account, when I really didn’t need to. In short, I was putting off writing. And when I did open up that blank page, whether it’s here on my blog, a new story on Medium or a new post on Substack, I was faltering. Hesitating. I was finding it hard.

There were a few reasons for this and I did manage to get through it. I even managed to push through and finish my current work-in-progress, which was the Black Hare Valley diary style companion book.

But the feeling of being disconnected to writing has not gone away and in all honesty, it is making me feel sick. So I decided to come here and be honest about it. This blog was the very first thing I shared my writing on. Way before I published any books, and a whole decade before I discovered things like Medium and Substack, I was just here. Writing about writing, writing about life. Just writing.

If I am going to be really honest about this situation, then I have to face some uncomfortable truths, and facing those would be easier if I thought I had a solution, a way forward. The thing is, I don’t. Except for to keep trying…

The truth is I am having a huge crisis of confidence when it comes to writing. I am doubting myself like never before. I am getting ideas that I fail to follow through on. I am starting stories, poems and essays and not finishing them. I am reading and editing current WIPs and hating every word. I am feeling like an imposter, all these years later. If I am really, really honest, I am feeling like a loser. A failure.

I don’t want to harp on about why. I have covered this in other posts. I think the main issue is that all these years and books later, I am still no further along, at least not in sales and reviews. I know, I know, I shouldn’t fixate on them. I love writing and would do it anyway. I know that success can be measured in other ways, such as my writing improving, or just the amount of work I have produced.

But I don’t know. It doesn’t feel enough. I am a few years away from turning fifty and I cannot help feeling left behind somehow… Unimportant.

I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for me or to offer advice, by the way. I am just returning to this blog in the manner in which it started. Me, offloading my thoughts and feelings. Me, trying to figure things out. It helped back then so I am hoping it will help now.

Two weeks ago I blogged about building an author platform and whether you should scrap it and start again if it’s not working. I guess this post is related to that question. Last week I blogged about whether I should serialise my WIP on here, Substack or Medium. I kind of want to but I am scared.

The reasons to do it come from the author platform query. If it’s not working, try something new. Is it time, for example, that I did try a new approach? Maybe offering my writing for free will bring in new readers, who will then go on to purchase my other books. Maybe it is worth a try,

But my biggest fear is still no one reading it…

I can’t imagine how horrible that would feel after everything.

Things continue to be a shitshow over on Medium. If my earnings go any lower, I will need to rethink my membership. Just months ago I was making hundreds every month and it gave me such a confidence boost! I felt like a real writer! I even saw an uptick in my book sales.

Now I feel like I am questioning everything I do. I guess I need a confidence boost from somewhere and serialising my WIP and offering it for free could be the way to do it…

Or it could backfire horribly…

Still, I suppose that is the worst that can happen and if it did? I would have something to blog about for a while!

Let me know what you think in the comments. Could giving work away like this bring in new readers and give me the boost of interest I need right now? Or could it make things worse?

For Writers, Risk and Courage Come Hand In Hand

~ ChanAtkins ~ 6 Comments

It’s never been tougher than it is right now…

Image by Public Co from Pixabay

Being a creative person and sharing what you create is risky. While creating art, writing, dancing or acting are all very human things, all part of our desire to tell stories and express what is inside of us, sharing them with the world is something else. What starts as pure pleasure can easily morph into something that induces fear, self-doubt and regret, even horror.

Undoubtedly, when you put time, effort and money into creating something that might not be appreciated or even noticed, there is a high level of risk attached. You might regret what you’ve shared. You might hate it. You might feel embarrassed of your attempts. You might receive negative feedback that hurts so much you never want to write again. You might become swamped with imposter syndrome. In short, you might fail.

But time and again writers do it anyway and perhaps they are especially brave for this or perhaps they just don’t have a choice in the matter. I’m inclined to think compulsion and obsession have more to do with it than courage. But we can’t deny it’s both brave and risky to share a little piece of your soul with the world.

There is also courage in the act itself — in putting pen to paper. There is risk around every corner. Risk staring right back at you from the horror and the challenge of the empty page or blank screen. There is a world of words and ideas in your head but the courage it takes to attempt to put them into some sort of order, to allow yourself to open up and let them pour out of you, is something else.

It hurts, to make art, to write, to allow yourself to be open, raw and vulnerable. It’s uncomfortable at times, to be that in tune with your feelings and emotions. Writing involves looking inwards as much as looking outwards. Writing is scary because it has the potential to go so horribly wrong. Writing is risky because transferring it to page or screen can feel utterly impossible, yet we do it, again and again. Writing is like magic, like witchcraft. Writing is the one thing that can allow us to truly know ourselves and explore the entire world and all of history and space at the same time. Writing is the thing that makes us feel free. Writing is the thing that makes us human. (Or at least it used to be until AI came along.)

It’s not easy to write a story, a poem, a novel. It takes real guts to dig your own claws into your own weak skin in order to reveal what’s underneath. It’s having the audacity to believe little old nobody you actually has something to say. It’s feeling the never-ending itch to unleash ideas and characters and made-up worlds from inside of you. And for what reason? What purpose? A lot of the time, we don’t even know.

There is so much fear involved in writing that some writers never even put pen to paper. There is so much risk involved in writing that some writers never ever finish the book they’ve been working on. So much courage is needed that many writers give up entirely, often before they’ve ever really started.

And who can blame them?

It’s a tough world out there. Despite relying heavily on every area of the arts to survive this life, humans have never been particularly good at appreciating or valuing creative pursuits.

The arts are generally underfunded and undervalued and this often means adults and educators actively discourage young people from trying to make a living from the arts. Sometimes it feels like everything is stacked up against you from the very start. Actually, screw that. The truth is everything is stacked up against you from the very start.

I remember my friends, relatives and teachers applauding my stories when I was a kid. But that congratulations and encouragement only went so far. The arts were, after all, a hobby, something to do for fun, to pass the time and to entertain yourself. Not something to make a living out of. It took me a long time to claw my way back from that but these days I’m happy to say I earn my living from the arts and I encourage kids to as well.

You might even argue that we live in a society that actively discourages people from being creative. And hey, now we have AI taking over art, do we even really need creative people anymore?

That’s a depressing thought but it’s one that leads me back to courage and risk, because these days being creative and sharing it with the world is increasingly risky, and therefore increasingly brave. Creative people are going to have to fight even harder to be seen and heard thanks to AI.

Are publishing companies going to be even more reluctant to sign up new writers when they have AI at their disposal? Are we going to see an upwards trend in big companies replacing all kinds of writers with AI because of the amount of money it will save them? Is AI going to get so good that soon readers will be unable to tell the difference between it and human told stories? Will readers even care?

Querying agents and publishers is risky and scary and it always has been — wasting time you don’t have and knowing that the chances of ‘making it’ are very slim. It takes a huge amount of courage to send out queries only to get rejected again and again.

Independent publishing has given many talented writers a chance to go alone and bring in their own readers, but it carries its own risks. You need money to put out a professional product and you’ll often find that family and friends still don’t take you seriously because you don’t have a traditional publishing deal.

You risk everything when you decide to write and share it with the world. You risk humiliation, rejection, ridicule and dismissal. You risk losing money, losing faith, losing self-belief and determination. You risk being misunderstood and misinterpreted. You risk the door being slammed in your face. You risk bad reviews and low sales. You risk no one taking you seriously. You risk writing for no reason, for no money, no reward, no praise.

But if you are truly a writer, you do it anyway.

And you always will.

If you are a real writer, you won’t be dissuaded by any of that because who can realistically piss on your fireworks? No one. Because you know. You know how vital it is. If you truly love writing, you will do it anyway. Despite all of the above, and in spite of all of the above. If you love writing, you will do it anyway because there is never any other choice. Because to do it anyway is the biggest fuck you possible to all of the above and after all, what is it to be human, but to fall down and get back up again, again and again?

If you really mean it, you’ll do it. You’ll squash AI generated stories with your little finger. You’ll rise above it. You’ll keep doing it. You’ll listen to the voices in your head, you’ll drift off and zone out time and time again, you’ll create worlds you can disappear into whenever you like, you’ll laugh and sing and dance and write for the pure damn thrill of it. For the pure damn joy.

It won’t matter if you never get paid, never get noticed, never get seen, never get respected. It won’t matter and it won’t stop you. Because everything inside of you is exploding like fireworks and that makes you different from everyone else out there. That makes you special.

You’re a writer. It is insanely risky and unbelievably brave.

And that’s why you’ll do it anyway.

Social Media Fatigue, AI Slop and the Enshittification of the Internet

~ ChanAtkins ~ 5 Comments

I’ve Had Enough – But Where Do We Go From Here?

Image by TyliJura from Pixabay

I learnt a new word this week: enshittification.

I came across it in an article and it struck such a chord I looked it up. Wikipedia describes it as: “Enshittification, also known as crapification and platform decay, is a pattern in which online products and services decline in quality. Initially, vendors create high-quality offerings to attract users, then they degrade those offerings to better serve business customers, and finally degrade their services to users and business customers to maximize profits for shareholders.”

And wow, doesn’t that just sum up the late stage of capitalism we are in right now? Late stage capitalism = end of the world, if you’re feeling really gloomy.

But in all seriousness, it kind of adds up to that, doesn’t it? As the above quote explains, huge companies, the elite, the ultra rich, the CEOs and shareholders, the governments, the rulers and the polluters are paying no heed whatsoever to the plight of the world, the natural environment or human suffering. It’s as if they can see the burning end coming and are trying to hoard as much wealth and security as possible in preparation for when end days really arrive. They’ll be fine in their bunkers while everything collapses around the rest of us.

But let’s go back to my new favourite word. I’d been feeling this way about social media for some time. I even wrote a poem on Medium about it and I’ve posted it at the end just for fun. I recently read a book called The Way Home by Mark Boyle, which is about one man shunning the modern world and technology to live in a self-made cabin in the woods and survive by himself. By the time I’d devoured it I wanted to do the exact same thing myself. I soon realised I couldn’t, of course. You need money to buy land and be left alone. Plus, how could I sell my books or get paid for my writing if I gave up technology? I am trapped. We are all trapped.

That depressed me but I decided to fight back by cutting down my use of tech. I’ve started leaving my phone behind, for example. No, I don’t mean when I leave the house, I don’t have the guts for that yet, but I mean when I move from room to room. Yes, like a lot of us, that’s how glued to my phone I normally am. It’s always in my back pocket. It’s an addiction, let’s be honest.

But it’s an addiction that we all seem to hate and grumble about constantly. Twitter, now known as X, has seen a huge exodus to rival Bluesky in response to Elon Musk’s support for Trump. That includes me, by the way. Facebook has just announced they’re getting rid of the fact-checking facility. So, in the name of free speech, we’ll now be subjected to a tidal wave of lies and misinformation, not to mention hate speech and more political interference from certain wealthy quarters.

Facebook has been declining for some time too and I can see it soon going the same way as X. It is my intention to start building my content up on other platforms from now on.

Medium was a lifeline for a while. In a few months I’ll have been on there for two years and for the majority of that time it has surpassed my expectations. It’s paid me for my writing, rewarded me for my words, made me feel appreciated and valued. But then AI came along and ruined it all. These days Medium is fast becoming another platform I need but actively loathe going on.

All right, it’s not that bad yet. I’m getting good at spotting, blocking and reporting the huge amount of spammers, scammers and bots that now stalk it, but it’s still depressing, not to mention time consuming to have to do this. Reads, views and earnings are down for everyone. People are leaving in droves. It’s becoming impossible to determine what is human written and what is AI generated and Medium didn’t seem to be doing anything to discourage the barrage of AI slop, until today that is. I’ve just edited this blog post and luckily before I published it, because Medium have just emailed its subscribers updating them on their approach to AI slop, spammers and scammers.

I felt a huge sense of relief reading the email. They do seem to be very much aware of the frustrations we’ve been having, even down to the generic ‘nice’ or ‘good’ or ‘follow me’ comments we get on our articles from people who have not read them. The rules for Medium are clearly presented as follows, and anyone who breaks them is being suspended and/or removed. Yay!

  • creating multiple accounts to engage with yourself and generate earnings
  • using responses solely to drive attention to your stories with the intention of creating reciprocal earnings
  • writing responses, clapping, following, or highlighting solely to generate earnings
  • using AI-generated content to earn money for stories and responses in the Partner Program

I don’t know where writers go from here. I sometimes feel like our time is running short. Why will anyone hire a real human writer if they can get AI to do the job for them? Stories, poems, essays, articles, copy, ghost-writing, you name it, AI can do it.

And it was already hard enough for writers, both trad published and indie. Hard and getting harder. So, what do we do? Where do we go?

Well, we don’t give up, that’s for sure. We seek out better places. For me, that means returning humbly to the safety of my blog. I am now adding my blog link to every piece I publish on Medium and since joining Bluesky, I am also cross-posting my blog pieces to there. My blog is mine and I control it. That’s something to value these days and I predict the humble blog will see a rise in popularity and usage in the next few years as writers turn away from the enshittification of social media platforms.

I’m on Substack but need to up my game. I’m still working out how best to use it, because although it is tempting to repost Medium and blog pieces there, this seems a bit dull. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll use it to serialise my next book? I’m not sure. At the moment I’m just using it for my newsletter and I’ve only posted two so far, so there is work to be done.

Bluesky so far is mostly a breath of fresh air. We’ll see though. I’ll definitely be posting there more often and if it takes off along with Substack, then I predict I’ll use Instagram and Facebook far less.

That’s my way of handling it anyway. We can’t give up, that’s for sure. Though I truly felt like it when I was told by one of the kids in my writing clubs this week that their teacher had been showing them how to use AI to write stories. They all thought this was wonderful while I was horrified. They couldn’t understand my horror so I changed the subject. They’re too young for me to rant at but I wanted to ask them what they thought would happen to me teaching them writing, if they could use AI to do the same thing? I’d be out of a job, surely?

I also wanted to ask them if they didn’t see it as cheating, because I do. We’ve got this far without AI churning out stories and poems for us. Why are we so quick to hand our imagination over to huge nameless companies? And yes I know that tools such as Grammarly and even the spell check function on Word are technically AI, but, and you can fight me on this, using a tool to check your spelling and grammar, is not the same as using a tool to form a sentence or a paragraph for you.

It frustrates me. Writing should be hard! It should take your blood sweat and tears! It should enrage and frustrate you because once you get through that and figure it out for yourself, it will excite and thrill you. Can you say the same thing about AI? I doubt it. When you are praised for a piece of writing, can you really take the credit? Can you really feel proud?

Pride. Imagination. Working through those humps and blocks. Thrashing out ideas. Rearranging sentences. Cutting out repetitive words. Are we really going to let AI do the hard work for us?

Well, I’m not.

I’m a writer and I write and I will continue to do so even if things continue to get harder.

What are your thoughts on all this? I’d love to know so feel free to drop a comment…

Sick Of Social Media

I’m sick of social media
it makes me feel sick
dehydrated, disconnected
draining my empathy
til all that I can see
is how I don’t want to be
so please don’t message me
don’t chase me up
don’t hound me down
don’t send me a reel
or assume my time is yours to steal
don’t leave me a voice-note
don’t tell me how to vote
don’t message me a random link
and expect me to click it
don’t pretend to know anyone
don’t pretend you are having fun
don’t say things to strangers online
that would get you battered in real life
don’t send thoughts and prayers
don’t pretend that you care
or that your sympathy isn’t reserved
for some countries more than others
don’t ask me to follow you
don’t assume I want to know you
don’t offer me a service
or expect me to want this
don’t assume I am interested
or that your life has me invested
I’m sick of social media
it is making me sick
dehydrated, disconnected
blunting my sympathy
til all that I can see
is who I don’t want to be