Dear 12 Year-Old Me…

Dear 12 year-old me,

Image by Piyapong Saydaung from Pixabay

I think about you a lot! I see you in my head sometimes. I don’t think you looked that different to how I do now. Same hair, same face. I don’t think my dress sense has even changed that much. I still remember your crippling shyness, how it crept up on you until you couldn’t deny who you were and how the world saw you. That became a heavy burden in your later teens but right now, it’s not a problem at all. I wish I could go back and tell you that one day you find your voice! That one day you run your own company and write and publish your own books!

It was all you wanted back then. Every day you would rush home from awful school, the place that churned up your guts every night in bed, and you’d glue yourself to your notebooks and pens, scribbling away, pen flying over paper, never stopping. You had so much inside of you, I think it surprised you as much as anyone when you wrote an entire book. Until the moment you created Danny and what would eventually become The Boy With The Thorn In His Side series, it had been short, endearing stories about lost animals.

What happened when you turned 12? Everything.

You discovered music. You couldn’t stand the vapid boy bands popular among your classmates in the early 90s, but you found a lyrical friend in Bob Dylan and other musicians from the 60s. You felt so out of place in your own generation, until you discovered grunge and Nirvana! I remember how you’d lie on the floor with your head between the speakers of your hi-fi system, trying to digest and pinpoint every drum beat, every strum of the guitar, amazed and bewildered by what you were hearing and feeling.

You discovered movies. The Lost Boys inspired you to write about monsters, though you made yours the human kind. I still remember that moment, the bit at the end of the movie where they discover that the head vampire is really Sam and Michael’s mother’s boyfriend and you thought what if that happened in real life? What if your mother was dating an absolute monster and no one knew it but you?

You discovered that your parents had already been divorced for a few years – for some bizarre reason, feeling the need to keep up a charade until the truth came out. What you felt more than anything was relief that the arguing would stop and fear about who they might date. After all, monsters really did exist…

You started writing Danny’s story fuelled by your own fears.

You discovered gritty storytelling. Your writing shifted from cutesy animal tales to hard-hitting ones about abuse, drugs, self-harm, and crime and that’s because you fell in love with The Outsiders and SE Hinton became on of your heroes. She published The Outsiders at aged 17, so that meant you could too, right? Reading her books and others like them, moved you away from animal stories and into darker territory.

You discovered Stephen King and his influence would seep into everything you wrote from then on. The exploration of character and back story and motivation, and the every day details we so often miss. For you, the monsters were always human.

You thought you were fat and so many people thought it their duty to convince you this was true. You began to wish you could shrink inside your own skin, or pull it all off and start again. You looked at your skinny older sisters with envy and longing. You didn’t want to be seen in public with a face like that, a body like that. You turned to your writing, to your characters and they became your entire world, your friends, your everything.

They never went away, let me tell you that now. They are all still here. Every night my mind plays out scenes that have happened or not happened, and every night I watch my own little movies in my head just like you did back then.

I wish I could go back and tell you that everything you hated about yourself then is everything I love about myself now.

You were called over-sensitive, grizzly, weak, easy to make cry. You lived on the edges looking in, observing. I can’t tell you how much that shaped you as a writer and how I wouldn’t go back and change a thing. How now I can see who you were and what you were becoming, that pain is good, that silence makes you stronger, that observation builds entire worlds inside you. That you overcome everything and did it anyway. At 12 years old all you wanted was to be a writer and today that is all I am. That is everything. I smile every day because you gave me these stories, these worlds, these words.

Thank you for doing it. Thank you for dedicating so many hours in your bedroom to writing and creating characters. None of it was wasted. None of it was in vain. It was all worth it in the end.

Thank you for being you.

With love,

44 Year-Old me.

Still Lost In My Own Little World

Me, aged twelve – thinking about my story at school, staring out of the window, barely listening to the teacher, barely aware of the world around me, filling my rough book with ideas and pieces of dialogue because my characters think the school day is a perfectly appropriate time to start talking to me. Rushing home, backpack bouncing against my shoulders, breathlessly running through the door to complete my chores before the rest of the day is mine. Me, in my room, music on first. Guns ‘N’ Roses at that age, thumping out from my hi-fi music system on the floor. My desk, an old coffee table, me on my knees, hunched over reams of scruffy A4 lined notepaper. A whole folder of one boy’s story, one boy’s scary world which would over time morph into an entire universe of my making.

Me, feeling excited to the point of explosion. Fixating entirely and completely on the story growing before my eyes under the frantic movement of my powerful biro. Pouring out the ideas and scenes that have bombarded me all day at school. Not a part of me is wondering what else I might have missed, from teachers, friends or society itself. Because I am removed and detached from all of that. That’s the background, the white noise, the distraction and this – this is real.

There were always other stories too, a constant stream of words and action. Sometimes I would sit at the breakfast bar in the kitchen with an old transistor radio to keep me company. I’d be lost in there, utterly gone. A ghost in this world but the puppet master of my own. I’d come back when I had to, with drowsy reluctance. What was there for me in this world? Terrible school, awful people, tedious chores and pointless homework. My parents rowing, doors slamming, people leaving, accusations flying, money draining away. I didn’t want any of that. I did not, in the words of Tom Waits, wanna grow up.

So, I didn’t. I broke free. I bucked the trend. Broke the rules. Did what all of them told me not to. I became a writer. And not much has changed. I have a foot in each world but most of my thoughts and dreams happen in my own one. As a child people used to say I was in my own little world and I guess they thought that one day I would grow out of it. Nah. I became a writer.

And it’s just the same now, as I hurtle back from the dreaded school run, a day off stretching ahead of me, dogs to walk, ideas to hold onto. I get to the laptop, get to my stories, to my own little world as fast I can. The world is bigger now – it’s a universe! I have sixteen published titles and eleven of those occur in the same universe. The Boy With The Thorn In His Side was my obsession as a child and a teenager. That story, those characters guided me through my youth and gave me a much needed escape route from reality. No wonder they mean so much to me. No wonder I am reluctant to let go. The Boy With The Thorn In His Side, the Holds End trilogy, The Mess of Me, Elliot Pie’s Guide To Human Nature and Bird People and Other Stories have all grown out of my obsessive writing as a twelve year old. I’d love to go back and tell her! And at the moment, the same universe continues to expand with three more books I am working on side by side. Again, I think twelve year old me would be amazed!

At the moment I am working on the fourth draft of At Night We Played In The Road which is a spin-off book from The Boy With The Thorn In His Side series. Two characters are introduced in book five of the series and I loved them so much I decided to give them their own book. A while back I penned a start to a sequel to The Mess Of Me, which was my debut novel in 2013. I finally finished it recently and as both these new books happen in The Boy With The Thorn In His Side universe, writing them inevitably led me to one final story. A crossover story, which I am currently on the second draft of. This book, The Dark Finds You, brings Danny from The Boy With The Thorn In His Side series, Leon from The Mess Of Me, Bill from the Holds End trilogy and Elliot from Elliot Pies Guide To Human Nature together in one story about a missing boy. It happened naturally and inevitably, I feel, because storylines that run through all those books have tangled my characters up together in the same dark criminal world where youngsters are lured into running drugs for older, criminal gangs and all of this comes to a head in the crossover book. It really finishes off Danny’s story too – from the boy I created aged twelve, to the man he is now – this last story ties everything up with no loose ends left hanging. Once these next three books are released, it really will be the end for that universe.

I will be both happy and sad but other worlds are calling! Plus, I don’t want to drag it out forever! This last book really will tie everything up perfectly and it’s been a very satisfying one to write. I think it is the fastest and easiest book I’ve ever written. It took just six weeks to complete the first draft and it just sort of wrote itself!

So, I’d like to pay homage to my obsessive twelve year old self. Thank goodness you didn’t give up. That goodness that drive to write was there every single day, upon opening your eyes! You didn’t know then what it would lead to but you did know you were addicted!

And I’m extremely happy and grateful to still be lost inside that world of my own making. It’s the best place to be.

Author Interview: MJ Mallon

It’s been a while since we had an author interview here on The Glorious Outsiders, so it’s a real pleasure to welcome back Marjorie Mallon, who writes under MJ Mallon to celebrate the release of her latest book, Do What You Love. The new book is a wonderful collection of poems, flash fiction and photography and is certain to make you smile. Here is my review, followed by the interview with Marjorie!

“As other reviewers have said, this is an overwhelmingly sweet and positive collection that will not fail to make you smile during these tough times. A well written and thought provoking collection of poetry, flash fiction and photography, this is an inviting read and can be read quickly in one sitting. I loved the conversations with the Fates, as the author reflects on stages of her life. There was a lot I could relate to in this book, and as with her other works, I appreciate the author’s love and appreciation of nature. A wonderful, heart-warming collection.”

1. What inspired you to write this book?

After the pandemic I’ve been keen to share some inspiring and uplifting writing. Life has been hard for us all, and the precious joys of life really matter, like spending time with family, friends, and walking in nature, as well as embracing change and being brave. This change within me happened around that time when a group of authors, poets and bloggers came together to share their thoughts and I released the anthology This Is Lockdown.

2. What came first, the photos or the writing?

Interestingly, in a lot of cases the photos! I’m inspired by art and photography so I suppose that isn’t too surprising. Some of the family and friends poems were inspired by heartfelt experiences, so in that case, writing first.

3.Do you have a favourite type of poetry?

I love autumnal, (autumn is my favourite season,) and nature poetry. I appreciate short forms of poetry like haiku and tanka, in which just a few words can convey so much.

4.It’s a warm and loving book, is that what you had in mind?

Yes! Definitely. I hope that everyone reading Do What You Love will find something relatable within its pages. The poems, photography and narrative within may remind them of a friendship, a difficult time in their lives that may now have been resolved and the many challenges that we face as human beings. And yet, we are strong, we overcome, and we should embrace creativity and do what we love!

5.What are you working on next?

Probably, my YA Fantasy coming of age series The Curse of Time – I’ve written #1 Bloodstone, #2 Golden Healer and now I’ve started work on the next book which is primarily set in the Land of Shadows. A different book… but there are similarities. In this tale, there is also an emphasis on family, and friends, and even though this series has elements of dark fantasy, (with mental health aspects,) there are humourous characters such as Aunt Karissa to lighten the story.

Writing YA Fiction help keeps me young!

Other than that, there are several projects on my hard drive waiting to be fine tuned – time will tell which wins the prize to be finished next.

I tend to be a bit of a mood writer.

6. Do what you love is a wonderfully positive message, is it a mantra you live by?

I try to. I believe that when you open your heart to creativity lots of new opportunities and happiness can come your way.

7. What else do you love?

Mindfulness, walking in nature, trees, travel, art sculptures, the sea, and tai chi. I have been fortunate to find a tai chi class here in Portugal. I spend several months here and the rest of the time in the UK. It has been wonderful doing tai chi outside in the sunshine!

8. What is your writing and creative process like?

Unplanned. It tends to evolve. I like it that way! Perhaps like a painting or a photo, we are never sure how it is going to turn out until it is finished.

Thank you Marjorie and good luck with the new release! Here is the blurb and the links!

Blurb:

Do What You Love Fragility of Your Flame Poems, Photography & Flash Fiction is a personal poetry collection celebrating how the fates may have a part in all that we do. With special poems and short reflective moments inspired by family, flowers and nature, love, scrumptious morsels, places I’ve visited, lived and intend to live in, the friendships and hopes I have for the future. The overarching theme is to live a life well lived… And to do what you love.

float along with me

create clouds of sweetest joy

to do what you love

hold fate’s hand as we venture

near and far on life’s journey

Release Date: 25th November 2022, able to preorder via the following links.

Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0BKLC9DYY/

Amazon US: https://www.amazon.com/What-You-love-Fragility-Photography-ebook/dp/B0BKLC9DYY/

Amazon Canada: https://www.amazon.ca/What-You-love-Fragility-Photography-ebook/dp/B0BKLC9DYY/

And links to Marjorie’s other books:

Kyrosmagica Publishing

The Hedge Witch And The Musical Poet https://books2read.com/u/mv1OeV

Mr. Sagittarius Poetry and Prose http://mybook.to/MrSagittarius

Anthology – This Is Lockdown, (poetry, diaries and flash fiction – kindle) http://mybook.to/Thisislockdown

Poetry during Lockdown – Lockdown Innit http://mybook.to/Lockdowninnit

Character Interview: Darcie Duffield (Fortune’s Well Book 1 – Hangman’s Revenge)

To celebrate the release of Fortune’s Well Book 1 – Hangman’s Revenge we are sharing a couple of character interviews! Next up is Darcie Duffield, one of our main protagonists.

1. Who is your best friend?

I could tell you it’s Vicky Marshall, but that wouldn’t be completely true. My real best friend is my aunt Jenna… which is weird, because she’s dead. I know. Messed up. But sometimes I like to talk to her still. It makes me feel ok for just a minute.

2. Who is your worst enemy?

Well, that one’s easy – Jared Wheeler.

3. What do you think people think of you?

Unfortunately, I don’t think people think of me at all.

4. What do you wish people knew about you?

That I’m more than just good grades and good genes. There’s more to me than meets the eye. It sounds silly, but I feel like I’m meant to do great things.

5. What’s your biggest fear?

Losing myself and becoming exactly who they want me to be. But lately… lately I think my biggest fear is what will happen to my new friend, JJ Carson, if I can’t help him in time.

6. What’s your biggest hope?

My hope is for JJ and his mother to reconnect. Perhaps make up for all the lost time. Who knows, maybe I can do the same with my own mom…

7. What’s your biggest secret?

The girl in the mirror. I’m the only one who sees her and she sees me right back.

8. What is the worst thing you have done to another person?

I hurt someone. Bad. At least, I was part of what happened to them. Even worse I ran and covered up the truth. But sometimes bad people deserve bad things… right?

9. What kind of friend are you?

Loyal and fierce.

10. What are your worst habits?

I bite my lip pretty much whenever I’m anxious, or nervous, or just generally over thinking situations. It’s terrible. I’m surprised I have a mouth left at all!

11. What is one thing about yourself that you would change if you could?

I wish what was on the inside would shine through more. That people could see that before they see the rest of me.

12. What is one thing about yourself that you would never change?

I’m very inquisitive and that definitely comes in handy when I need it. I guess I must get that from my dad. He’s a head researcher for Bio Chem, a large pharmaceutical company.

13. Where would you like to be in 5 years time?

Right now? Any where but Fortune’s Well. There’s something about this place that I can’t put my finger on. But I will find out what it is. I know I will. It’s in my nature. And that scares me.

14. What is on your bucket list?

Not many people know this, but I love to write. I want to write this down someday, everything that’s happening with JJ and me. An epic adventure I can capture forever.

WE hope you enjoyed meeting our two teen heroes, JJ and Darcie! Here is the buy link if you would like to check out the book. It’s the first in a trilogy, and be warned, it’s wild ride! https://chantelleatkins.com/2022/05/24/character-interviews-jj-carson-fortunes-well-book-1-hangmans-revenge/