This was originally posted on Medium!

Us humans we are so good at focusing on the negative and downplaying the positive. We do it all the time and I’m not sure why. During a week, for example, most things will go smoothly, perhaps even positively, but it’s that one ‘bad day’ we focus on. That one bad day will make it a bad week.

It’s the same when dealing with other humans. If I look back through my life I can rationally see that most of the humans I have dealt with have been overwhelmingly kind, well-meaning and good for me. So, why is it those few bad ones stick in our heads?

We shy away from compliments, sometimes don’t even notice them, yet one word of criticism and our day is in tatters. That one piece of negativity will become the focus for the entire week. I can still clearly remember horrible things other children said to me as a child — they haunt me, yet there are only a handful — do I remember all the kind things other children said? No, not so much.

As a writer we are especially sensitive to this. We can get reams of positive reviews but it will be that one negative one that flattens our soul. The words will come back to us at night, needling and hurting.

When I look around me, I can plainly see that most people are good. Most people do their best. The majority of people on this planet are not evil, not even close. But we focus on the bad ones, don’t we? We hear a bad news story, we read about unspeakable cruelty and wonder what on earth has happened to the human race. We damn them all because of the actions and inhumanity of a few.

It’s hard to remember that most people are good, but they are. It’s hard to believe that most people are on your side, rooting for you and cheering you on, but they are.

I joined Medium in April and instantly found it to be an overwhelmingly positive place. When you compare it to the trolls and keyboard warriors causing misery on other platforms, it really does feel refreshing. I was nervous when I published my first pieces and even more so when I got into the partner programme. I wondered what sort of comments I might get.

What I noticed right away is that most people are not commenting to critique your work or offer feedback and, for me personally, that’s a good thing. I’m not there for writing advice, not that there is anything wrong with that, but I feel I have done my time and paid my dues. I don’t mind critical feedback, as long as its apparent the person commenting has actually read and understood the article.

Generally though, what I found was very positive. People reading the piece because the title or subject drew them in, then enjoying it and letting me know. Perfect. Wonderful. It spurred me on.

Obviously, at some point I was going to get a nasty comment and recently it happened. I wouldn’t have minded if the comment had made sense or had been articulated kindly… However, the piece was a sensitive one, a piece I wrote about women’s obsession with weight and my recovery from eating disorders.

The piece got boosted and the comments poured in. I was nervous. I am sensitive about this topic and I was wary of opposing viewpoints. All the comments, bar two, were supportive, kind, understanding and mentioned that they had experienced the same issues. I breathed out in relief.

It was an article about women, for women, posted in a women’s publication — it might be wise to point that out before I get to the negative comments.

The first one wasn’t too bad. The person meant well, I think, and had, (I think,) read the article. Their advice was to join a gym. It wasn’t a great comment to read from a man on an article about weight sensitivity and eating disorders and I responded by telling him so. The article, for example, was not one about how to get fit. I was not asking for advice. I was writing about my experiences. Sometimes people struggle to tell the difference. It did annoy me. I probably should have ignored it. I just felt like he had missed the point.

The second comment was worse and yes, it ruined my day. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for days actually. It upset me and angered me for many reasons.

I won’t go into it too much but it was something along the lines of, ‘just admit you are lazy and have no discipline’. He had also commented on another man’s supportive comment, by laughing at his support.

I felt uneasy. I felt misunderstood. I was very pissed off too. Considering the article was about women and aimed at women, considering the article mentioned my past struggles with eating, I felt this comment was nasty and uncalled for. He had obviously not read the article. He had seen the title and responded with cruelty that probably felt funny to him.

A few days later I commented back. I told him the article wasn’t aimed at him and that he did not know me and had no right to assume I was lazy. There were a lot of other things I wanted to say to him but I held back. I prepared to block him but all he responded with was a clap.

Weird.

Anyway, this brings me to my point. That small comment from someone who had blatantly not read the article spun in my mind for days. It made me tearful, it made me angry. It made me think for a few seconds about quitting Medium. It made me second guess the articles I had lined up.

How ridiculous is that?

Now, I know writers are sensitive — we need to be, we should be. And I also know that once you start publishing you need to grow a thick skin. I am fine with that. I have been publishing since 2013 and I do not expect every reader to love or understand my writing. You cannot expect to escape criticism and you cannot expect everyone to agree with you.

What bothered me about this was it felt needless and it felt personal and it felt extremely insensitive given the topic of the article.

I gave myself a week off Medium. I needed a breather and it did me the world of good. I got the idea for this article while walking my dogs and seething about that one negative comment. So, I suppose I should thank the person for that!

Everything is writable, after all. Every experience, good or bad, provides us with a story.

But I had to give myself a shake. I had to remind myself of the boosts I have received, of the payments I’ve had and more than that, I had to remind myself of the predominantly positive and supportive messages and comments I’ve had there.

Medium is a wonderful place. I know that to be true. The world is full of good people and you only have to look at the comment section on Medium to see the proof. Where there is one unkind, unhelpful comment, it sits drowned and lonely among the mass of supportive, understanding ones who are glad you shared your story.